jrising: (zen)
[personal profile] jrising
I've been struggling to recover my childhood over the past few years. See, my memory contains a profound gap. I recall almost nothing of my life before I was about 12. Since then, my memory and sense of self seems like a continuous thread; before it, I know what others have told me, but it never resonates the same way.

At least, that is how things stood a few years ago. Since my summer quest to better understand my father, I have been chipping away at that wall (or, to keep my metaphors consistent, chipping away at the ledge to give me a stairway across the gap). I have been grabbing onto fleeting images, cataloging together floating pieces, and generally disbelieving that these memories are not mine to share.

Here is the product of my most recent tact. I thought to dissect who I am today as the extension of ribbons that have evolved over my life. Every couple of years, these ribbons take on a new turn-- an every 7 they twist into a new core (something I'm due again for soon). The roadmap I have figured out is incomplete, but it goes something like this:

YearsSelfCommunityInspirationPractice
2013-5World modelerCollaborationscomplexitycoupled models
2010-2Dev. at largeSusDevworldchangingsusdev. classes
2008-9Traveling Dev.Flamesocial justiceTN startup
2006-7Contract Dev.Rockytravelingsignal processing
2004-5Olin superninjaOlin Collegebig ideaseducation
2002-3Growing JimmySCAhuman modelsdance
2000-1MIT studentESG & Randomphilo. & learningstudy groups
1998-9STEM geekComputer labcollegewebpages
1996-7Smart aleckLowell homeself-directed edu.math
1994-5SlowpokeLunch gangself-disciplineprogramming
1992-3BasementeerMoving schoolscollectingBBSes
1990-1Sleep-lessRedwood Valley Elem.fantasytaking apart
1988-9James FriendsCapella Elem.inventionreading
1986-7Mama's boyLutheran schoolsister problemsno naps


There are connections between all of these, which I can't represent in the table: features that disappear and reappear for reasons complex and unknown. But for all it's abstruseness, that is my life.

August 2017

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