[life, muse] Seducing Women
Jan. 18th, 2007 03:43 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jrisingI'm swooning over my new read, How to Succeed with Women. I've read *plenty* of books on the intricacies of sex: how to books on flirting, kissing, fucking; philosophy and essays on love and sex; books on manipulation that made me sick, on personal development that changed me, and on how the genders interact that still befuddle me. But books that are ethical and pragmatic and thorough are rare, and I think this is one such, but it's so "dense to act on" that I've only dipped my feet in.
This kind of book demands to be more than the week's lean-back recreation. The sexual world goes so deep, and holds such incredible excellence. I think you can learn about sex relations your whole life and still be surprised by every turn. The creative, ethical, and stylistic expertise possible makes it like a second career, with ever more responsibilities and privileges. It's an alien world to me, who never gave sex a third thought before four years ago, but it's one I want to immerse in.
I'm waffling over the consequences, though. Some days, I think of everything I can give to others and learn for myself, and I just want to get as many people as possible to play sexual games with me. But then, I think of all the good time I spend with girls as friends, and I hear about all the ways guys make a nuisance of themselves. I know I'm a lot better at being chaste-- I can make more people happy and fewer hurt if my gender stays out of it. And there are no gentle paths in there.
Err, um, not that I can think of too many people I've hurt recently (If you beg to differ, kick me or something so I realize). But if practicing my drums gets on your nerves, I'll always be happy to play elsewhere.
This kind of book demands to be more than the week's lean-back recreation. The sexual world goes so deep, and holds such incredible excellence. I think you can learn about sex relations your whole life and still be surprised by every turn. The creative, ethical, and stylistic expertise possible makes it like a second career, with ever more responsibilities and privileges. It's an alien world to me, who never gave sex a third thought before four years ago, but it's one I want to immerse in.
I'm waffling over the consequences, though. Some days, I think of everything I can give to others and learn for myself, and I just want to get as many people as possible to play sexual games with me. But then, I think of all the good time I spend with girls as friends, and I hear about all the ways guys make a nuisance of themselves. I know I'm a lot better at being chaste-- I can make more people happy and fewer hurt if my gender stays out of it. And there are no gentle paths in there.
Err, um, not that I can think of too many people I've hurt recently (If you beg to differ, kick me or something so I realize). But if practicing my drums gets on your nerves, I'll always be happy to play elsewhere.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2007-01-18 11:38 pm (UTC)I think you've presented me with a false dichotomy. The hoped-for benefit is "for-myself-for-others". I think exploring this area of sexual play would be good for me, and I've seen how much happiness people who are adept at it can give to other people.
So far, every relationship I've had has been a gain for me, even when they've involved me losing something. I trust myself enough that I think I can take the take the good parts for myself and recognize and discard the bad effects-- but not necessarily before inflicting some of those bad effects on other people.
Whether being involved in lots of partners can trivialize the experience is a huge question. Here are some pieces of my thoughts on it. (a) Experiences aren't meant to be held on to. If we can give up the need for permanence and appreciate them for what they are, and we'll be able to appreciate them more. (b) Desires need to be explored to their fullest extent-- they're there for a reason, and to curb your desires is cut off a part of who you are. (c) I think one gets very different things out of committed relationships and multiple casual relationships, but they're both important.